鐵之狂傲

標題: 【問題】幫我檢查 [列印本頁]
作者: 幻影神兵    時間: 06-8-27 14:38
標題: 【問題】幫我檢查
痾，學校老師要學生寫一篇英文作文

寫是寫了，能不能幫我檢查看看有哪裡不妥0.0?

感覺很多地方寫錯，拜託各位指導囉

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                        A Visit to a Doctor

       I was not a tall boy when I was young,so that
my mother very worry about me.Then she listened to others
suggestions that took me to see a doctor.

       I went to a large hospital for examining.After the doctor
ended the physical check-up,he ask me t draw blood for more
examine.I was very anxious because I was afraid of needle.
Until it was over,I found it wasn't so terrible.And it
was very successful.

       In spite of I have the experience,I don't like to draw blood
still because it ever let me so fear.
---------------

大致上就是這樣，由於本人英文能力還不是很佳
所以用不上高階英文單字Orz...

拜託各位檢查看看這樣寫好不好囉
作者: 萌萌看板娘    時間: 06-8-27 18:09
I was not a tall boy when I was young,so my mother was very worried about me.  She listened to others' suggestions and decided to take me
to the doctor.

    I went to a large hospital and have my body be examined.When the
physical check-up was over,he askd me to withdraw blood for further
examination.I was very anxious about that because I was afraid of the
pain.When it was over,I found (that) it wasn't so horrible. It turned out
to be a very successful examination.

    Although I had the experience which was not a nightmare for me,I still hoped the thing will not happen again since the fear of pain.

(改的不知如何^^")

[ 本文最後由 萌萌看板娘 於 06-8-27 10:03 PM 編輯 ]
作者: 傲月光希    時間: 06-8-27 19:16
      I was not a tall boy when I was young,so that
my mother very worry about me.Then she listened to others
suggestions that took me to see a doctor.

       I went to a large hospital for examining.After the doctor
ended the physical check-up,he ask me t draw blood for more
examine.I was very anxious because I was afraid of needle.
Until it was over,I found it wasn't so terrible.And it
was very successful.

       In spite of I have the experience,I don't like to draw blood
still because it ever let me so fear.

  I was not a tall boy when I was young.So my mother was very worried about me.After that,she adopted some suggestions from other people to take me to a doctor.

I went to a large hospital and had a checkup.After the doctor finished the physical checkup,he asked me to take a blooding examination.I was very nervous because I was afraid of injection.Until it was over,I found that it wasn't so terrible.It was very successful.

  In spite of the experience,I don't still like the blooding examination because it is scaring for me.

這是我改的，會加減一些字，參考用就好。
作者: 萌萌看板娘    時間: 06-8-27 22:05
原文由 傲月光希 於 06-8-27 07:16 PM 發表

  I was not a tall boy when I was young.So my mother was very worried about me.After that,she adopted some suggestions from other people to take me to a doctor.

I went to a large hospital and  ...



技不如人...吾甘拜下風
謎之聲:果然羅莉控比較強(誤
作者: 傲月光希    時間: 06-8-27 23:12
原文由 萌萌看板娘 於 06-8-27 10:05 PM 發表



技不如人...吾甘拜下風
謎之聲:果然羅莉控比較強(誤

這沒什麼好甘拜下風的吧，只不過是多學幾個單字= =

羅莉控強項是討好羅莉啦(炸
作者: 銀狼小傑尼    時間: 06-8-28 03:29
原文由 傲月光希 於 06-8-27 07:16 PM 發表

  I was not a tall boy when I was young.So my mother was very worried about me.After that,she adopted some suggestions from other people to take me to a doctor.

I went to a large hospital and  ...


恩..

I was not a tall boy when I was young.  So my mother was very worried about me.  She adopted some suggestions from other people to take me to a doctor.

I went to a large hospital and had a checkup.  After the doctor finished the physical checkup, he asked me to take a blooding examination.  I was very nervous because I was afraid of injections.  Until it was over, I found that it wasn't so terrible.  It turned out to be very successful.

  In spite of the experience, I still don't like the blooding examination because it is scary for me.
小小的調整^^"
作者: 傲月光希    時間: 06-8-28 09:05
原文由 銀狼小傑尼 於 06-8-28 03:29 AM 發表


恩..

I was not a tall boy when I was young.  So my mother was very worried about me.  She adopted some suggestions from other people to take me to a doctor.

I went to a large hospital an ...

http://tw.dictionary.yahoo.com/search?ei=UTF-8&p=injection

injection"可數""不可數"都可以
作者: hydralisk    時間: 06-8-28 18:27
visit
好像是拜訪的意思吧??
拜訪醫生??
作者: 傲月光希    時間: 06-8-28 18:42
原文由 hydralisk 於 06-8-28 06:27 PM 發表
visit
好像是拜訪的意思吧??
拜訪醫生??

a visit to a doctor也可以意思是去看醫生啊~不用計較那麼多吧
作者: 幻影神兵    時間: 06-8-28 20:19
嗯，也可以當作看醫生的經驗。

感謝各位幫忙，我結合一些大家意見做了點修改跟錯誤了。
作者: Katliang    時間: 06-8-28 23:34
anxious 是期待~不可以用在那裡喔

A Visit To The Doctor
My mother was worried about me, since I wasn't in the regular size in my age.  So, by listening to the advice from others, she decided to take me to the doctors.  
The hospital I went to is relentlessly large, and after the doctor has finished the physical check ups, he insisted that I needed a blood check.  I was nervous, since I am afraid of needles, but when the process was over, I found it quite successful.  
In spite of the experience, I still hope that I don't have to go through another needle, with the fear of pain in mind

這樣參考就好~^^
作者: 萌萌看板娘    時間: 06-8-29 00:07
原文由 Katliang 於 06-8-28 11:34 PM 發表
anxious 是期待~不可以用在那裡喔

A Visit To The Doctor
My mother was worried about me, since I wasn't in the regular size in my age.  So, by listening to the advice from others, she d ...




be  anxious about/at/for   N(意思為焦慮的,掛念的)


be anxious to V
be anxious for N
be anxious that 子句(三行意思為期待的,渴望的)

所以個人認為可以耶~~

[ 本文最後由 萌萌看板娘 於 06-8-29 12:08 AM 編輯 ]
作者: 傲月光希    時間: 06-8-29 09:07
anxious是焦慮沒錯，同義的字還有worried,upset,...(暫時想不起來)

你說的期待是expect(加-ative是形容詞)或look forward to
作者: Katliang    時間: 06-8-29 09:50
對不起喔~我的中文不是很好~所以翻錯了
不過不能在這裡用~因為anxious是始於好的~可是他要說的是壞的~所已用在這裡的話文法不通
作者: saharet    時間: 06-8-29 12:53
My body had a problem when I was young. I was not as tall as other boys at my age. My mom was concerned (worried) about my health, so she took other people’s advice (suggestion) and took me to a doctor.

I went to a large hospital for some examinations. After the physical check up was completed, I was required to do a blood test for further examination. I was nervous about it because I was afraid of needles. I found out it was not as terrible as I thought when the blood test was done. The examinations were successful.

In spite of having the experience, I am still afraid of the blood checks because of my fear to the needles. 呃...這裡要用 because the needles drive me crazy 我也不反對  囧>
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姆....想到一些建議, 剩下的雖然看的出問題不過我不知道要怎麼講ˊ口ˋ

1. 文章裡面不要在形容詞前面+very 因為讀者不知道你到底是多very 囧>

2. Then, so, and, but 目前只想到這四個, 不要用在句子的第一個字 (沒為什麼, 純粹犯規ˊ口ˋ)

3. 不要把動辭直接加ing 就把他當名詞ˊˋ, 多翻翻字典,有些動辭都會有類似的名詞以tion, sion... 之類的字尾.

4. 如果是給老師的作文,這種稍微正式的作文,不要把字縮寫, 例: wasn't, isn't, they're, he's, 就算很憋也要把字給分開 (有些老師比較不拘束這些, 不過如果遇到很討厭的, 噢~ 一個扣一分)

5. 不要太多it在一起: Until it was over,I found it wasn't so terrible.And it was very successful. 因為很容易搞不懂哪個it是在講哪件事, Until it(抽血) was over,I found it(抽血) wasn't so terrible.And it(抽血還是整個過程?) was very successful. 所以建議一次it一次把整個名詞寫出來,不要重疊, 等你寫多了之後自己就可以調整了
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

大概就這樣ˊˋ 畢竟我最後一句也改的不是很好ˊˋ
文章可以多練點多寫點,高階字彙方面不用太擔心,等你寫多了自然會接觸到那些高階字
然後,就以自己所知的文法想辦法讓自己文章能夠順暢就好了,其他的文法也能這樣慢慢培養出來
加油阿
作者: 北歐主神-奧汀    時間: 06-8-30 02:29
我英文也很差 但是我看出一個小問題...


恕在下中文回應= ="

題目是 一次拜訪醫生的經驗

說穿了,就是寫你自己的經驗(故事)

起初是從"我小時候不高,媽咪很擔心"開始

結束卻變成看醫生沒那麼可怕-

我看完,心中(期待)的(答案)還沒出現-
你是起於"矮"這個事件,這個事件卻沒有明確的"結束"就跳到另外一個"重點"(痛等等..)

原則上,高中以前的英文作文,因為學的還沒那麼多

但求語句通順,事情原委交代清楚

架構是

一個事件先破題,然後解釋,必要的話再敘述詳細些,最後這個主題結束-

可以是"沒找出矮的原因"或是知道了"增高的方法"...

不然,讀者看到兩個事件重心這樣跳,可能會有期待落空之感-



個人淺見...

[ 本文最後由 北歐主神-奧汀 於 06-8-30 02:30 AM 編輯 ]



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