Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I`ve read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I`ve noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad cientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. herefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord:
1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
我的軍團將會配備耐熱塑膠透明面罩頭盔, 而不是遮住面孔的頭盔.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
我所屬的建築物通風孔將會小到沒有任何人爬得進去.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
被我篡奪王位的兄弟, 我將會把他殺了, 而不是囚禁在地牢中某個被遺忘的角落.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
用槍斃來處決我的敵人, 永遠不會便宜了他.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies` predicatment before killing them.
當我的敵人陷入困境, 在我殺了他們之前, 我不會幸災樂禍.
7. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks, "Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?" My reply will be, "No, just sensible."
8. When I`ve captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I`ll say, "No." and shoot him.
9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks` time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled ``Danger: Do Not Push``. The big red button marked ``Do Not Push`` will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid
enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me -- I`ll do it myself.
我不會命令我最信任的副官殺掉命中註定毀滅我的嬰兒, 我會自己動手.
12. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
我不會在我最機密的指揮室審問我的敵人, 外面隨便那一家小旅館都可以.
13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
15. I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word mercy``; I simply choose not show them any.
我很清楚我非常了解 慈悲 這個字的涵義, 我很乾脆的選擇我不需要它.
16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
我的顧問中會有一個五歲的小孩, 在我的計劃執行之前, 裡面所有他會發現的漏洞或缺陷, 都會被補正.
17. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.
19. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
英雄不會被允許最後的一個吻, 最後的一根煙, 或是任何其他的死前最後要求.
20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he`s caused.
22. I will never utter the sentence ``But before I kill you, there`s just one thing I want to know.``
我永遠不會說: 在我殺你之前, 我還有一件事想知道.
23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
當我僱用顧問時, 我會常常聽取他們的建議.
24. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
我不會有兒子. 雖然他想篡奪我權力的可笑計劃常常失敗, 但是在關鍵的時刻,這將會造成我致命的分心.
25. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero`s rugged countenance and she`d betray her own father.
26. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it`s too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
27. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my legions of terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
28. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power,I will
not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
無論我有多少無限制的能量, 對於任何大於我頭部的防護罩, 我一分能量也不要花.
29. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
30. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line ``No, this cannot be！ I AM INVINCIBLE！！！`` (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
31. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructable except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
32. If I am engaged in a duel to the death with the hero and I am fortunate enough to knock the weapon out of his hand, I will graciously allow him to retrieve it. This is not from a sense of fair play; rather, he will be so startled and confused that I will easily be able to dispatch him.
33. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
34. I will never build only one of anything important. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
重要的東西我絕對不會只做一份, 同樣的, 我時時會佩帶至少兩件備妥的武器.
35. If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will immediately flee to safety in my prepared escape pod and direct the defenses from there. I will not wait until the troops break into my inner sanctum to attempt this.
37. Even though I don`t really care because I plan on living forever, I will hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough that, if I am slain, it won`t tumble to the ground for no good structural reason.
38. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
我會打扮的光鮮亮麗, 充滿活力, 讓我的敵人迷惑不已.
39. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be pre-emptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
40. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world- weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
41. Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect a secondary character who has given up his/her life through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed.
任何能夠讓已經自我犧牲的次要角色奇蹟復活的魔法或科技, 將會被宣佈為非法並加以毀滅.
42. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
我不會突然暴怒然後殺死帶來壞消息的信差以彰顯我的邪惡, 你知道好的信差是不容易遇到的.
43. I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main sqaure of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along.
44. I won`t require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress- code. Similarly,outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
45. I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero`s party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.
我不會採用在陷阱發動前, 將英雄隊伍誘入我最高指揮中心的邪惡計劃.
46. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
我不會變成一條蛇, 這一招總是沒用.
47. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
我不會蓄山羊鬍, 過去這讓你看起來很邪惡, 但是現在這讓你看起來像是X世代的不滿份子.
48. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
49. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he`s my trusted lieutenant.
如果我最忠心的副官報告我們的恐怖軍團正在輸掉一場戰爭, 我會相信他. 畢竟,他是我最忠心的副官.
50. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
51. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
當我必須騎馬上戰場時, 我絕不會接近我恐怖軍團的最前線, 也不會尋找敵軍中我的對手.
52. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super weapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
53. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time- travel devices.
一旦我的權力鞏固, 我會摧毀所有令人厭惡的時光旅行機器.
54. I will offer oracles the choice of working exclusively for me or being executed.
我會提供預言神殿兩個選擇: 只為我工作或是被處死.
55. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
56. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
57. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
58. I will not rely entirely upon ``totally reliable`` spells that can be neutralized by relatively inconspicuous talisman.
我不會依賴可以被不引人注目的護身符所抵銷的 萬無一失 的魔法.
59. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say ``And here is the price for failure, then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
61. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
如果我知道某個乳臭未乾的小子開始摧毀我的任務, 我會在他還乳臭未乾的時候宰了他, 而不是等他長大.
62. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
63. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
64. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh power books.
我的主要電腦會擁有獨特的作業系統, 與IBM電腦或是Macintosh電腦完全不相容.
65. I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized.While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency.
66. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess` cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
當我地牢的守衛之一開始關心美麗公主的牢房狀況時, 我會立刻把他換到比較不需要與人接觸的職位.
67. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
69. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
當我和惡魔達成協議後, 我不會只是想要個敵手而試圖欺騙它.
70. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
71. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access. 最後, 如果要讓我的敵人困在永遠的無心智狀態, 我會提供他們免費無限的網際 網路作者: 白告白告 時間: 04-7-15 18:56 標題: 回覆: 魔王須知(中英對照版) 最後1個最恐怖阿=口=!
以前看的都是中文版的,第一次看到中英對照
謝謝分享喔作者: kevin1989410 時間: 04-7-17 22:31 標題: 回覆: 魔王須知(中英對照版) 哇!好...好長喔@@"作者: ~零下10度C~ 時間: 04-7-17 23:10 標題: 回覆: 魔王須知(中英對照版) 看來..當魔王也是需要天份及努力低= =' 還必須要有細膩的心思~連"高階女性穿著無暇的鋼制胸罩"也要深入去研究= ="作者: hung chih 時間: 04-7-18 06:52 標題: 回覆: 魔王須知(中英對照版) "編劇"麻煩多用一點心吧!觀眾不是呆子!!!
想當編劇的人,是可以參考一下!!作者: ＊~金魚~＊ 時間: 04-7-18 06:56 標題: 回覆: 魔王須知(中英對照版) Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I`ve read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I`ve noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad cientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. herefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord: