批改作文

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dreamer7

一般的居民

電梯直達

1^#

發表於 08-4-13 16:56:29 |只看該作者 |降序瀏覽大字中字小字正體化简体化

請幫我批改一下
告訴我錯誤跟改進之處
感恩!!

Myself

My name is Ruby.I am sixteen years old. I come from Taiwan.

I speak Chinese. My family consist of my father,mother,brother,sister and I.

I have big eyes and nose.My hair is black and curly.I like draw paint.I like to

play computer and watch TV in my free time.I hate subject is math.My best

friend is Mary.She is kind to me very much.She once lent her umbrella to me

in rainy day,when I forgot bring my umbrella.I like to make friends,so I hope

to know everyone.

[ 本文最後由 Katliang 於 08-4-13 09:39 AM 編輯 ]

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Katliang

名望的騎士

2^#

發表於 08-4-14 01:47:35 |只看該作者大字中字小字正體化简体化載入全部圖片

um... It's not bad, I am assuming that you're still in ESL or just finished ESL. You are having problems as to where you can connect the sentences or not thus you are making too many sentences. this would be a better way of writing your paragraph, and only changing a few orders and puncuations.

Myself

My name is Ruby and I am sixteen years old. I come from Taiwan and I speak Chinese. My family consists of my father,mother,brother,sister and I. I have big eyes and nose, my hair is black and curly.I like to paint, to play computer, and to watch TV in my free time.I hate the subject math and my bestfriend is Mary.She is very kind to me. She once lent me her umbrella on a rainy day, when I forgot bring my own. I like to make friends,so I hope to know everyone.

四季有趴趴熊就好了
有控來英文版喔