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回覆: A diary
[QUOTE=hydralisk]1.我覺得用approach用的不是很好
還是close比較好(個人意見)
Today,I tried a new way to get close to a girl~~~
2.還有，用today的時候，不要用過去式
若動作已完成，就不要用today。
例如:今天早上:in the morning
I tried a new way to get close to a girl.....in the morning.
(有錯請糾正)[/QUOTE]
yup, I think using "[COLOR="Red"]approach" here is not really a good choice of words
for me I'd just use "[COLOR="Orange"]to get close to"
However, I think using "[COLOR="Red"]today" is ok
it can be "[COLOR="LemonChiffon"]Today, I did something something"
for future tense, it can be, "[COLOR="LemonChiffon"]Today, I'm going to do something something"
the today in past tense is often used in the diary, and as for the future tense, it's more often used in your plan for a certain day.
So what I would write is:
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[COLOR="Yellow"]Today,I tried a new way to get close to a girl whom I've had [COLOR="Red"]a crush on since last year.
[COLOR="LightBlue"](如果沒有a 會以為你去年用腳踏車輾他還怎樣的,不知道為什麼我覺得[COLOR="Orange"]I have had a crush on比較好,我是覺得比較有"[COLOR="orange"]我去年就開始喜歡他"的感覺)
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I went to school by riding my bicycle and I knew that her home was located at the same direction with mine.
[COLOR="LightBlue"](這句話的兩件事一開始覺得一點都不相干,會覺得沒有文章沒有連起來,所以建議你分開寫變成兩句,或者增加一些解釋讓這兩樣東西有相關)
例如:
[COLOR="yellow"]Because I know her house is located at the same direction as mine on our route to school, so I went to school by riding my bicycle and hoped that I can meet her on the way.
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After school and cram school,the thing I dreamed for a long times happened.
[COLOR="lightblue"](不太懂[COLOR="Red"]cram school 是什麼意思,如果是忙功課忙讀書那些,那我不知道怎麼講XD, 因為加上之前的一些東西,所以可以寫寫去學校的中途沒有遇到之類的. 例:However, I didn't see her on my way to school.)修改過後:
[COLOR="yellow"]However, I didn't see her on my way to school. Nonetheless, when I was going back after school, my dream had come true.
[COLOR="lightblue"](雖然my dream had come true跟the thing I dreamed for a long time had happened不太一樣,但是我覺得簡短的my dream had come true就好了, 因為"thing"這個東西很難解釋,所以在文章裡最好不要出現這東西,除非你能把他詮釋的很好)
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The girl rode her bicycle to go home and I was just near by her.
[COLOR="lightblue"](我是覺得用騎腳踏車在他回家的路上比較好啦....不過我不確定你是正好在他附近還是在他旁邊,不過[COLOR="Orange"]beside可以有很多方向的XD)
[COLOR="yellow"]The girl was riding her bicycle on the way back to her house, and I was just beside her.
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We chated a little while and said good-bye to each other.
[COLOR="lightblue"](這裡就是簡單的放個"[COLOR="orange"]for", and "[COLOR="orange"]then"進去就好啦)
[COLOR="yellow"]We chatted for a little while and then said good-bye to each other
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Even though just about three minutes,I was as happy as clam.
[COLOR="lightblue"]([COLOR="Red"]clam第二個意思是指守口如瓶的人,應該不是這意思吧=口=, 不過如果真的很高興的話也可以說 [COLOR="Orange"]I had never been this happy before, 但是如果沒那麼高興的話就放[COLOR="orange"] I was so happy就夠了)
[COLOR="yellow"]Even though it was just about three minutes, I was so happy (about that little conversation we had.)
[COLOR="lightblue"]括弧裡面的可有可無
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Now I love to ride to school.
[COLOR="yellow"]Now I love riding to school.
[COLOR="lightblue"](差不多就這樣)
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Today,I tried a new way to get close to a girl whom I've had a crush on since last year. Because I know her house is located at the same direction as mine on our route to school, so I went to school by riding my bicycle and hoped that I can meet her on the way. However, I didn't see her on my way to school. Nonetheless, when I was going back after school, my dream had come true. The girl was riding her bicycle on the way back to her house, and I was just beside her. We chatted for a little while and then said good-bye to each other. Even though it was just about three minutes, I was so happy. Now I love riding to school.
個人淺見請多多指教... /囧\
阿還有spell的過去式
spelled跟spelt其實都可以喔 |
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發表於 06-3-3 23:58:51
