【問題】幫我檢查

幻影神兵

痾，學校老師要學生寫一篇英文作文

寫是寫了，能不能幫我檢查看看有哪裡不妥0.0?

感覺很多地方寫錯，拜託各位指導囉

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                        A Visit to a Doctor

       I was not a tall boy when I was young,so that
my mother very worry about me.Then she listened to others
suggestions that took me to see a doctor.

       I went to a large hospital for examining.After the doctor
ended the physical check-up,he ask me t draw blood for more
examine.I was very anxious because I was afraid of needle.
Until it was over,I found it wasn't so terrible.And it
was very successful.

       In spite of I have the experience,I don't like to draw blood
still because it ever let me so fear.
---------------

大致上就是這樣，由於本人英文能力還不是很佳
所以用不上高階英文單字Orz...

拜託各位檢查看看這樣寫好不好囉

北歐主神-奧汀

我英文也很差 但是我看出一個小問題...


恕在下中文回應= ="

題目是 一次拜訪醫生的經驗

說穿了,就是寫你自己的經驗(故事)

起初是從"我小時候不高,媽咪很擔心"開始

結束卻變成看醫生沒那麼可怕-

我看完,心中(期待)的(答案)還沒出現-
你是起於"矮"這個事件,這個事件卻沒有明確的"結束"就跳到另外一個"重點"(痛等等..)

原則上,高中以前的英文作文,因為學的還沒那麼多

但求語句通順,事情原委交代清楚

架構是

一個事件先破題,然後解釋,必要的話再敘述詳細些,最後這個主題結束-

可以是"沒找出矮的原因"或是知道了"增高的方法"...

不然,讀者看到兩個事件重心這樣跳,可能會有期待落空之感-



個人淺見...

[ 本文最後由 北歐主神-奧汀 於 06-8-30 02:30 AM 編輯 ]

saharet

My body had a problem when I was young. I was not as tall as other boys at my age. My mom was concerned (worried) about my health, so she took other people’s advice (suggestion) and took me to a doctor.

I went to a large hospital for some examinations. After the physical check up was completed, I was required to do a blood test for further examination. I was nervous about it because I was afraid of needles. I found out it was not as terrible as I thought when the blood test was done. The examinations were successful.

In spite of having the experience, I am still afraid of the blood checks because of my fear to the needles. 呃...這裡要用 because the needles drive me crazy 我也不反對  囧>
----------------------------------------------------------------------
姆....想到一些建議, 剩下的雖然看的出問題不過我不知道要怎麼講ˊ口ˋ

1. 文章裡面不要在形容詞前面+very 因為讀者不知道你到底是多very 囧>

2. Then, so, and, but 目前只想到這四個, 不要用在句子的第一個字 (沒為什麼, 純粹犯規ˊ口ˋ)

3. 不要把動辭直接加ing 就把他當名詞ˊˋ, 多翻翻字典,有些動辭都會有類似的名詞以tion, sion... 之類的字尾.

4. 如果是給老師的作文,這種稍微正式的作文,不要把字縮寫, 例: wasn't, isn't, they're, he's, 就算很憋也要把字給分開 (有些老師比較不拘束這些, 不過如果遇到很討厭的, 噢~ 一個扣一分)

5. 不要太多it在一起: Until it was over,I found it wasn't so terrible.And it was very successful. 因為很容易搞不懂哪個it是在講哪件事, Until it(抽血) was over,I found it(抽血) wasn't so terrible.And it(抽血還是整個過程?) was very successful. 所以建議一次it一次把整個名詞寫出來,不要重疊, 等你寫多了之後自己就可以調整了
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

大概就這樣ˊˋ 畢竟我最後一句也改的不是很好ˊˋ
文章可以多練點多寫點,高階字彙方面不用太擔心,等你寫多了自然會接觸到那些高階字
然後,就以自己所知的文法想辦法讓自己文章能夠順暢就好了,其他的文法也能這樣慢慢培養出來
加油阿

Katliang

對不起喔~我的中文不是很好~所以翻錯了
不過不能在這裡用~因為anxious是始於好的~可是他要說的是壞的~所已用在這裡的話文法不通

傲月光希

anxious是焦慮沒錯，同義的字還有worried,upset,...(暫時想不起來)

你說的期待是expect(加-ative是形容詞)或look forward to

萌萌看板娘

原文由 Katliang 於 06-8-28 11:34 PM 發表
anxious 是期待~不可以用在那裡喔

A Visit To The Doctor
My mother was worried about me, since I wasn't in the regular size in my age.  So, by listening to the advice from others, she d ...

be  anxious about/at/for   N(意思為焦慮的,掛念的)


be anxious to V
be anxious for N
be anxious that 子句(三行意思為期待的,渴望的)

所以個人認為可以耶~~

[ 本文最後由 萌萌看板娘 於 06-8-29 12:08 AM 編輯 ]

Katliang

anxious 是期待~不可以用在那裡喔

A Visit To The Doctor
My mother was worried about me, since I wasn't in the regular size in my age.  So, by listening to the advice from others, she decided to take me to the doctors.  
The hospital I went to is relentlessly large, and after the doctor has finished the physical check ups, he insisted that I needed a blood check.  I was nervous, since I am afraid of needles, but when the process was over, I found it quite successful.  
In spite of the experience, I still hope that I don't have to go through another needle, with the fear of pain in mind

這樣參考就好~^^

幻影神兵

嗯，也可以當作看醫生的經驗。

感謝各位幫忙，我結合一些大家意見做了點修改跟錯誤了。

傲月光希

原文由 hydralisk 於 06-8-28 06:27 PM 發表
visit
好像是拜訪的意思吧??
拜訪醫生??

a visit to a doctor也可以意思是去看醫生啊~不用計較那麼多吧

hydralisk

visit
好像是拜訪的意思吧??
拜訪醫生??