批改作文

dreamer7

請幫我批改一下
告訴我錯誤跟改進之處
感恩!!

Myself

My name is Ruby.I am sixteen years old. I come from Taiwan.

I speak Chinese. My family consist of my father,mother,brother,sister and I.

I have big eyes and nose.My hair is black and curly.I like draw paint.I like to

play computer and watch TV in my free time.I hate subject is math.My best

friend is Mary.She is kind to me very much.She once lent her umbrella to me

in rainy day,when I forgot bring my umbrella.I like to make friends,so I hope

to know everyone.                                                                                   

[ 本文最後由 Katliang 於 08-4-13 09:39 AM 編輯 ]

Katliang

um... It's not bad, I am assuming that you're still in ESL or just finished ESL.  You are having problems as to where you can connect the sentences or not thus you are making too many sentences.  this would be a better way of writing your paragraph, and only changing a few orders and puncuations.

Myself

My name is Ruby and I am sixteen years old. I come from Taiwan and I speak Chinese. My family consists of my father,mother,brother,sister and I. I have big eyes and nose, my hair is black and curly.I like to paint, to play computer, and to watch TV in my free time.I hate the subject math and my bestfriend is Mary.She is very kind to me. She once lent me her umbrella on a rainy day, when I forgot bring my own. I like to make friends,so I hope to know everyone.

dreamer7

Sorry,what is ESL?

Katliang

English as a Second Language

直落不蘭雅

請問這是演講比賽的稿嗎?? 還是你現在在外國念書???　寫的不錯阿

dreamer7

Really?
哈哈    太高估我了!!
這是自己練習的      因為考試時英作都只寫4.5行     不練不行
Thank you very much.