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痾,學校老師要學生寫一篇英文作文

寫是寫了,能不能幫我檢查看看有哪裡不妥0.0?

感覺很多地方寫錯,拜託各位指導囉

--------------
                        A Visit to a Doctor

       I was not a tall boy when I was young,so that
my mother very worry about me.Then she listened to others
suggestions that took me to see a doctor.

       I went to a large hospital for examining.After the doctor
ended the physical check-up,he ask me t draw blood for more
examine.I was very anxious because I was afraid of needle.
Until it was over,I found it wasn't so terrible.And it
was very successful.

       In spite of I have the experience,I don't like to draw blood
still because it ever let me so fear.
---------------

大致上就是這樣,由於本人英文能力還不是很佳
所以用不上高階英文單字Orz...

拜託各位檢查看看這樣寫好不好囉
 
悠悠哉哉。
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I was not a tall boy when I was young,so my mother was very worried about me.  She listened to others' suggestions and decided to take me
to the doctor.

    I went to a large hospital and have my body be examined.When the
physical check-up was over,he askd me to withdraw blood for further
examination.I was very anxious about that because I was afraid of the
pain.When it was over,I found (that) it wasn't so horrible. It turned out
to be a very successful examination.

    Although I had the experience which was not a nightmare for me,I still hoped the thing will not happen again since the fear of pain.

(改的不知如何^^")

[ 本文最後由 萌萌看板娘 於 06-8-27 10:03 PM 編輯 ]
 
沒能去FF19見日本的coser啊 殘念啊QQ...

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幻影神兵  感謝幫忙  發表於 06-8-28 20:12 聲望 + 2 枚  回覆一般留言

      I was not a tall boy when I was young,so that
my mother very worry about me.Then she listened to others
suggestions that took me to see a doctor.

       I went to a large hospital for examining.After the doctor
ended the physical check-up,he ask me t draw blood for more
examine.I was very anxious because I was afraid of needle.
Until it was over,I found it wasn't so terrible.And it
was very successful.

       In spite of I have the experience,I don't like to draw blood
still because it ever let me so fear.

  I was not a tall boy when I was young.So my mother was very worried about me.After that,she adopted some suggestions from other people to take me to a doctor.

I went to a large hospital and had a checkup.After the doctor finished the physical checkup,he asked me to take a blooding examination.I was very nervous because I was afraid of injection.Until it was over,I found that it wasn't so terrible.It was very successful.

  In spite of the experience,I don't still like the blooding examination because it is scaring for me.

這是我改的,會加減一些字,參考用就好。
 
進入數學版  滿月祭III相簿1  2

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幻影神兵  感謝幫忙  發表於 06-8-28 20:17 聲望 + 2 枚  回覆一般留言

原文由 傲月光希 於 06-8-27 07:16 PM 發表

  I was not a tall boy when I was young.So my mother was very worried about me.After that,she adopted some suggestions from other people to take me to a doctor.

I went to a large hospital and  ...



技不如人...吾甘拜下風
謎之聲:果然羅莉控比較強(誤
 

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原文由 萌萌看板娘 於 06-8-27 10:05 PM 發表



技不如人...吾甘拜下風
謎之聲:果然羅莉控比較強(誤

這沒什麼好甘拜下風的吧,只不過是多學幾個單字= =

羅莉控強項是討好羅莉啦(炸
 

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原文由 傲月光希 於 06-8-27 07:16 PM 發表

  I was not a tall boy when I was young.So my mother was very worried about me.After that,she adopted some suggestions from other people to take me to a doctor.

I went to a large hospital and  ...


恩..

I was not a tall boy when I was young.  So my mother was very worried about me.  She adopted some suggestions from other people to take me to a doctor.

I went to a large hospital and had a checkup.  After the doctor finished the physical checkup, he asked me to take a blooding examination.  I was very nervous because I was afraid of injections.  Until it was over, I found that it wasn't so terrible.  It turned out to be very successful.

  In spite of the experience, I still don't like the blooding examination because it is scary for me.
小小的調整^^"
 

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幻影神兵  感謝幫忙  發表於 06-8-28 20:18 聲望 + 2 枚  回覆一般留言

原文由 銀狼小傑尼 於 06-8-28 03:29 AM 發表


恩..

I was not a tall boy when I was young.  So my mother was very worried about me.  She adopted some suggestions from other people to take me to a doctor.

I went to a large hospital an ...

http://tw.dictionary.yahoo.com/search?ei=UTF-8&p=injection

injection"可數""不可數"都可以
 

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visit
好像是拜訪的意思吧??
拜訪醫生??
 


網頁遊戲幫忙點一下吧!!

http://s2.gladiatus.tw/game/c.php?uid=40130

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原文由 hydralisk 於 06-8-28 06:27 PM 發表
visit
好像是拜訪的意思吧??
拜訪醫生??

a visit to a doctor也可以意思是去看醫生啊~不用計較那麼多吧
 

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嗯,也可以當作看醫生的經驗。

感謝各位幫忙,我結合一些大家意見做了點修改跟錯誤了。
 

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